Alternatives: A poetry imitation exercise
Based on “Building Walls” by Todd Davis
In the last summer of my childhood
I learned to read books
with my heart,
sinking into a new world
and realizing possibilities.
In the heat and humidity I played,
creating worlds in my backyard.
Worlds in peril
that I would save singlehandedly
becoming an epic hero.
There were three trees in front of my house
that shaded me from passing cars.
I was alone
and the outside world
had nothing to do with me.
Then the bees came out and the air chilled.
We went school shopping.
I changed.
My worlds were gone,
swallowed by reality.
I like the way you've adapted this form, reflecting a facet of your summer world in each stanza. I especially like the line "then the bees came out and the air chilled." It's specific and it indicates a change in weather that works well to show the change in the writer's experience. I also like the way you say "I changed," instead of saying that things changed.
ReplyDeleteIn a couple of places you could be even more specific, and create a stronger effect. I like the three trees that shaded you from passing cars. Can you think of some more specific ways of indicating the worlds that the books invited you into, their being swallowed by reality at the end?